How to Stop Being the Human Doormat You Never Wanted to Be!

 

I’m sure you know the feeling of constantly saying “yes” to things, even when you don’t want to? Usually this is because you worry about what others think of you or you’re trying to keep everyone happy? If you can relate your dealing with something called people pleasing.

People pleasing is when you put other people’s needs and feelings ahead of your own, often at your own expense. It’s great to care about others, but if you’re always doing what others want and ignoring your own needs, it can leave you feeling stressed, overwhelmed, resentful, drained and unhappy. The good news? You can learn how to stop people pleasing and start putting yourself first.

The holidays are quickly approaching so it’s more important than ever that you get a grip on your people pleasing side.

People pleasing is more than just being nice or helpful. It’s when you feel like you have to please others to be liked, accepted, or to avoid conflict. You might agree to do things you don’t want to do, apologize when you haven’t done anything wrong, or avoid sharing your opinions because you’re worried others won’t like them. Over time, people pleasing can make you feel like you’re living for others, not for yourself and no one can go on that way.

There are lots of reasons why you may have become a people pleasers. Here are a few common ones:

You Want to Be Liked: It’s normal to want others to like you. But if you’re always agreeing with people just to get their approval, it can turn into people pleasing. You might be afraid that if you say “no” or share your real thoughts, people won’t like you as much.

 

You Avoid Conflict: Conflict can be uncomfortable, so you might agree with others or stay quiet to avoid arguments. People pleasing can seem like a way to keep the peace, but it can actually lead to resentment and feeling invisible.

 

You Fear Rejection: If you’re afraid of being rejected or abandoned, you might try to do whatever it takes to keep people happy, hoping they won’t leave you.

 

You Were Taught to Be “Nice”: Some people grow up being told that they should always be polite, never disagree, or never make others feel bad. These messages can lead to people pleasing, where you feel responsible for everyone else’s happiness. Really dig deep, is this your belief or one that was drilled into you?

 

You Want to Help: Being helpful is great, but if you’re constantly helping others without taking care of yourself, it can become a problem. People pleasers often say “yes” to every request because they want to be seen as dependable, even if it means overextending themselves. Check in with your gut, do you really want to say “yes” or do you want to run for the hills when asked to do one more thing for others.

 

People pleasing can really become a problem

At first, people pleasing might seem like it’s working. You make others happy, and in return, they might praise you or seem to like you. But in the long run, people pleasing can cause a lot of problems:

You Lose Yourself: When you’re always focused on making others happy, you might forget what you want or need. You might not even know who you are anymore because you’re so used to going along with what others want.

 

You Feel Stressed: Trying to keep everyone happy all the time is exhausting. You might feel overwhelmed by all the things you’ve agreed to do, and you’ll likely feel stressed and anxious.

 

You Build Resentment: Over time, you might start to feel resentful. You’ve given so much to others, but you might feel like they’re not giving back. This can lead to frustration and hurt feelings. At times this can cause a permanent divide.

 

Your Needs Go Unmet: People pleasers often ignore their own needs, whether it’s time to rest, personal goals, or simply doing things they enjoy. Over time, this can leave you feeling unhappy and unfulfilled.

 

It May Be Time To Take The Plunge And Stop People Pleasing

Breaking the habit of people pleasing can be tough, but it’s possible. Here are some tips to help you stop people pleasing and start putting yourself first:

 

Recognize Your Patterns

The first step is to notice when you’re people pleasing. Pay attention to when you agree to things you don’t want to do or when you avoid saying what you really think. When you start to notice these moments, you can begin to make different choices.

 

Practice Saying “No”

It’s okay to say “no.” In fact, learning to say “no” is a key part of stopping people pleasing. Start small by saying “no” to something simple, like turning down an invitation to an event you’re not interested in. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but the more you practice, the easier it will become.

 

You don’t have to explain your “no” either. A simple, “No, I’m not able to do that,” is enough.

 

You have the right to set boundaries.

 

Set Boundaries

Boundaries are limits you set for yourself about what you will and won’t do. If you’re a people pleaser, you might not have strong boundaries, which can lead to you doing things you don’t want to do.
Think about where you need to set boundaries. Maybe you need to limit how much time you spend helping others or decide that you won’t take on extra work when you’re already busy. Setting boundaries helps protect your time and energy.

 

Focus on Your Own Needs

It’s important to take care of your own needs, too. Ask yourself what you want or need in different situations. If you’re always focused on others, you might not be used to thinking about your own needs, but it’s important to start.
Try checking in with yourself throughout the day. Are you tired? Do you need a break? What do you want to do with your time? Putting yourself first sometimes isn’t selfish—it’s necessary for your well-being.

 

Stop Apologizing for Everything

People pleasers tend to apologize a lot, even when they haven’t done anything wrong. If you find yourself apologizing for things that aren’t your fault, try to stop. You don’t need to apologize for saying “no” or for having your own needs.

 

Get Comfortable with Discomfort

Stopping people pleasing means you might feel uncomfortable at times. You might worry about what others will think or feel awkward when you say “no.” That’s okay! It’s normal to feel uncomfortable when you’re trying something new, but it will get easier over time. You might set a goal such as I commit to saying no one time today. Start small and work your way up if that makes it easier for you. Another one would be “I need to check my calendar” this gives you a moment to just breath, feel what a yes or a no feels like in your body and then give your answer.

People pleasing is a huge drain on your energy. It can affect you physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It often leaves you feeling stressed, tired, and unfulfilled. By recognizing your patterns, setting boundaries, and focusing on your own needs, you can break free from people pleasing and start living life on your own terms.

 

Spirit wouldn’t have brought it up for our blog this week if it weren’t a really important topic that many need to hear right now.

 

Remember, it’s okay to put yourself first sometimes—you deserve it!

 

Much love to my High Vibe Healing Tribe.

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Abundant Blessings,